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🛒 Check yourself: Say goodbye to all traditional and self-checkout lanes at Sam’s Club’s nearly 600 stores. Instead, you’ll use “Scan & Go” on their app. Then, AI-powered cameras and sensors will check your cart as you walk right out. Shoplifting? No. Shop-glitching? Maybe.

📢 Government drone testing is back: The FAA says don’t panic if you see them swarming New Jersey skies. They’re testing over 100 drones through April 25. It’s apparently to improve drone detection and to make sure they don’t mess with aircraft navigation. New Mexico, North Dakota and Mississippi, you’re up next. Don’t worry, it’s just 100 flying robots stress-testing your paranoia.

🗣️ YouTube wants to dub every video: AI tools will soon translate any video into any language (paywall link). It’ll use the creator’s own voice and sync their lips to match. The AI behind this is trained on current videos … and you agreed to it years ago. If you’re a creator, congrats, you’re multilingual now.

🤖 No more humans working: The future is bright, if you’re a GPU or own six condos. Mechanize wants to replace all human work with AI. They say it’ll boost the economy since companies won’t have to pay salaries. Because robots are totally going to pay taxes for us. 

💸 $20 scam spreading: Don’t fall for it. A stranger walks up and says you dropped $20. They try to stuff the cash back into your wallet, but they’re really swiping your debit card. One woman at a Ralphs grocery store fell for it. Thieves withdrew thousands in 30 minutes. Yikes.

🏠 Zillow’s new rule: If a home is advertised anywhere online, it now has to be listed on Zillow, too, or they’ll blacklist it. Why? Some brokerages have been posting homes on their own sites first to give their clients early access. Harsh. Long story short: If you’re selling, now you know, thanks to me.

😒 Comcast’s sneaky offer: New Xfinity customers can now lock their internet price for five years. Talking $55/month for 400 Mbps or $105 for 2.1 Gbps. The catch? It doesn’t include taxes or fees. Plus, internet deals will get cheaper with competition from Starlink and AT&T’s satellite service. Locking in your price for five years sounds great, until you realize the fees are multiplying in the dark like gremlins.

🧠 ChatGPT can “think with images”: OpenAI’s latest models, o3 and o4-mini, take ChatGPT’s visual reasoning to unsettlingly sharp levels. They can describe what’s in a photo, zoom, crop and enhance images. “Thinking with images” sounds cool until your AI starts judging your handwriting and that stain on your shirt.

Mind over metal: Move over, Neuralink. Precision Neuroscience, started by a Neuralink cofounder, just tested a brain patch thinner than a human hair on Tim Fisher, a 63-year-old with Parkinson’s (paywall link). Unlike Neuralink, this patch sits gently on your brain without poking it. The FDA just approved it for use for up to 30 days. Tim even fist-bumped the robotic hand used in the test. Love that.

🛡️ Google scrambles to fix Gmail phishing mess: I told you about this on Saturday, but it’s still going in full force. Don’t fall for spoofed emails claiming your Gmail account is about to be closed down. These are passing Gmail’s scam filters, slipping into inboxes looking squeaky-clean. You know it’s bad when the scammer gets better deliverability than your friend’s birthday email.