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How to deal with a cyberstalker
Let me tell you, more and more victims of cyberstalking are reaching out to me for advice using my Ask Kim page. Here’s one note I received recently from P.W. in Oklahoma:
“I’ve been cyberstalked for three years. I recently discovered it was my roommate. I moved out and he launched another attack. He’s on my and my fiance’s phones, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth — everything. He has stolen financial data, pictures, erased accounts, taken over emails and harassed me through VOIP. … He admitted to sitting outside our house all night. I thought he was spying on me. Now I know he was also gaining access to my Wi-Fi. I can’t do this anymore and need expert advice/help terribly.”
This is truly awful. First, it’s always a good idea to file a police report. This way, you have things on record. Unfortunately, the police won’t come into your home and lock down your digital life — but you have me.
The good news: There’s a lot you can do right now to lock out a jerk. The bad news: It’s a lot of work, but I promise you it’s worth it — and it’s so much better than sitting around wondering what your stalker will do next.
Start with a list
What accounts, passwords and devices do you believe he has access to? Sit down and make a list of all you can think of. Check your browser’s saved passwords for inspiration.
One by one, sign out of each account on every device, then change every single password. A password manager will help you generate new, strong passwords no one can guess.
Just to get you thinking, here are some other sites and platforms you should check and update your passwords for:
- Every email account you have.
- Banking, Social Security, 401(k) and other financial sites.
- Social media accounts, along with sites like Nextdoor.
- Cloud storage platforms, including Apple iCloud, Google Drive, Dropbox, along with any online backup accounts.
- Online shopping sites or anywhere else you’ve saved or entered your credit card information (think streaming media).
- Any apps you use on your phone or tablet.
I have steps here to change your password for several major sites, including Amazon, Netflix, Facebook and Spotify.
Upgrade your router
So many people forget just how much info someone can access if they know the login info for your router. Theoretically, they can see what you do online and what devices are connected.
That, in particular, can be dangerous. It lets a stalker see if you’re home and using the internet from your phone. You can probably get away with a factory reset on your existing router, but if it’s older than two years, you should replace it anyway.
No idea where to start with router shopping?
- Best router on a budget for a small home
- An affordable option for a medium-sized home
- Best budget mesh system for medium and large homes
- Powerful mesh option for a lot of users in large homes
Change device passcodes, too
Don’t forget about your phone’s passcode and your computer or tablet’s password. Yes, a stalker needs physical access to get into those devices, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Get the full instructions for Apple and Android here.
- On an iPhone with Face ID, go to Settings > Face ID & Passcode. On an iPhone with a Home button, go to Settings > Touch ID & Passcode.
- To change your iCloud password, you’ll have to change your Apple ID password. On your iOS device, go to Settings > [your name] > Password & Security > Change Password.
- On an Android phone, open Settings > Security. Tap Screen lock to change your passcode. Note: If you don’t see your screen-lock settings under Security, check your phone’s support site or online manual.
- On a PC, go to Start > Settings > Accounts > Sign-in options. Click Password, then Change.
- To change your Mac password, go to Step 1 here.
Don’t forget smart devices
From security cameras to smart speakers, access to the right accounts can let someone see or listen to you without your knowledge.
Change your passwords for your security system, smart thermostat, smart doorbells and any other internet-connected devices with their own standalone accounts.
Search for any hidden trackers in your car, too. Here’s how to find them.
Be a liar
When you’re close to someone, they know a lot about you. That very well might include where you grew up, your first car, your mom’s maiden name … Yeah, you can see where I’m going — it’s time to change your security questions in accounts with sensitive info.
Fudge your new answers. Most of the details in the default security questions are shockingly easy for someone else to find. The caveat, of course, is making sure you remember the lies — save your fake answers in your password manager to be safe.
💡 Pro tip: It’s super-important to remove private data like your cellphone number, home address and relatives (and their details, too) from public databases and people-search sites. There are just too many whackjobs in the world. That’s what Incogni does — try it now at PrivacyKim.com and get 60% off.
👮 Remember, anytime you feel like you’re in danger, call the police. You just don’t know what else a cyberstalker has up their sleeves — or what’s going on in their heads.
We may receive a commission when you buy through our links, but our reporting and recommendations are always independent and objective.
Tags: accounts, Amazon, Android, Apple, Apple iPhone, apps, banks/banking, cloud storage, computer, cyberstalking, devices, digital life, email, Facebook, Google, Incogni, internet, online shopping, password managers, passwords, Police, police report, public databases, router, security, Security cameras, security questions, settings, smart devices, social media, Social Security, upgrades, victims, Wi-Fi
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