A crypto guide for busy people that won’t make you cry

Let’s get one thing straight: Crypto isn’t disappearing into the tech void. Love it, hate it or meme it into oblivion, digital currency is sticking around, and the U.S. is auditioning to become the crypto capital of the world.

That’s why it’s so important to understand the basics before you fall for a Reddit post titled “How I Made $2M Trading Crypto While Sleeping.” (Spoiler: He didn’t.)

You might be thinking about investing in crypto. But before you do, listen to me: The first three letters in crypto are cry. That’s what happens to a lot of people who dive in without knowing how it works.

So here’s your no-hype, no-jargon primer.

💡 Think of cryptocurrency like digital cash

Imagine handing your friend a $20 bill. No bank, no fees, no third-party apps. Just peer-to-peer. Crypto is digital money you can send directly to someone else, anywhere in the world, without needing a bank or payment processor.

Thousands of cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin have popped up, all built on the idea of giving people control of their money by cutting out the middlemen.

🔐 Wait, is this even safe?

Enter the “blockchain.” Don’t panic, this part’s actually simple.

Think of the blockchain like a public receipt book that can’t be erased or edited. Transactions are permanently recorded and verified by thousands of computers all over the world.

It’s permanent, transparent and nearly impossible to fake. It’s not unhackable (nothing is) but way more secure than your average password-protected app.

🐶 OK, but what’s the deal with memecoins?

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Remove yourself from the internet

Michelle in Phoenix asks: “Hello, Kim, do you have recommendations for services that remove your phone number, home address off Google? My son is getting extremely harassing texts and vandalism at his home. We want to remove all our phone numbers and addresses from public viewing.”

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Using Windows 11? Last week’s update added a weird empty folder called “inetpub” that popped up on the system drive. If you thought it was useless and deleted it, think again. It’s not malware. It’s just Windows being Windows. It’s tied to a security fix. To bring it back: Go to Control Panel > Programs > Programs and Features > Turn Windows features on or off > check Internet Information Services > hit OK

$10 million

The cost to live in a one-bedroom, 1,184-square-foot apartment aboard the Ulyssia superyacht. Need something bigger? A penthouse will run you a cool $90 million. Private chefs, infinity pools and personal submarines are included, of course. The flyer says, “Yacht for sale.” As if people don’t know what a yacht does. 🛥️

🧠 How Google keeps its AI talent: DeepMind employees are apparently locked into strict noncompete agreements that bar them from joining rivals like OpenAI for up to a year. Google might even pay you not to work. Nice, right? Until you realize AI years are like dog years. Sit out too long, and you’re obsolete.

Hackers can steal your home: With just a forged signature, cybercriminals can take out loans in your name, drain your equity and leave you with the mess. Click here to get a free home title history report, when you sign up using code KIM. You’ll also receive a free 14-day trial of their Million Dollar Triple Lock Protection.

The Pentagon cut $5.1B in contracts: Deloitte, Booz Allen, Accenture … you may be seated. The government’s slashing spending on outside consultants. Why? They finally realized those agreements are unnecessary, and the work can be done in-house. The extra cash will now be redirected to hypersonic weapons, AI and cybersecurity. So basically: fewer spreadsheets, more lasers.

$200 a month

What you’ll pay for Anthropic’s new Claude “Max” subscription tier. It’s made for people who use Claude a lot and run into rate limits. You’ll get up to 20x more usage than the Pro plan, plus early access to new features. And yeah, the timing’s no coincidence. It’s clearly a move to compete with OpenAI’s $200/month tier.

🚨 Bank of America lost your data … literally: Nope, it wasn’t a cyberattack. This time, savings bond documents went missing in transit, and they had everything. Names, addresses, account numbers, SSNs and more — the full “steal my identity” starter pack. No word yet on how many people are affected, but the bank says it’ll notify you. PSA: Freeze your credit.

🏛️ Meta, meet another existential court case: Mark Zuckerberg put on his best courtroom tie and took the stand Monday in a trial that could break up Meta’s empire. The FTC basically wants (paywall link) Meta to sell off Instagram and WhatsApp, claiming Meta bought them just to squash the competition. If IG goes, it could gut over half of Meta’s U.S. ad revenue. The trial runs through July, but the vibes are already tense.

$3 million

How much NASA is offering to anyone who can invent tech that recycles space poop. Why? Well, there are already 96 bags of human waste sitting on the moon from the Apollo missions. NASA wants to avoid adding to the mess or hauling it back to Earth by turning it into something useful. Uh … space compost, anyone?

👩‍🏫 Feeling left behind? Download NetSuite’s free knowledge drop, “The CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning.” No matter what you do, you should know more about AI. It’s not going anywhere.

👀 Microsoft’s Recall is almost here: Yep, it’s the nosy one that takes screenshots of every single thing you do on your PC. Why? To search anything you’ve worked on by browsing a timeline. FYI: It’s rolling out to Windows Insiders first, but soon anyone with a Copilot+ PC will get it. It’s opt-in, not automatic.

🤖 OpenAI is retiring GPT-4 from ChatGPT: Slated to be fully replaced by April 30 by the current default model, GPT-4o, because, well, 4o is just better. It’s stronger at writing, coding, problem-solving and conversational flow. Farewell, GPT-4. We’ll remember your weird poem phase. More models are on the way; we’ll soon see a family of GPT-4.1s and a new o3 “reasoning” bot. 

💸 Fake it till you fund it: A tech founder got charged with fraud after lying about his shopping app, Nate, using AI for universal checkouts. Turns out it was actually human contractors from the Philippines and Romania behind the scenes (plus a few bots). He still raised over $40 million from investors before getting caught.

🇺🇲 Stars, stripes and sticker shock: Want a “Made in the USA” iPhone? Be ready to shell out as much as $3,500. Labor costs alone could bump the price up 25%. Apple CEO Tim Cook hasn’t ruled out the idea of making phones here in the States, but it would take years to pull off. Buy once, cry at least twice.

🎓 Wharton’s Penn/10: The oldest business school in the country is reworking its curriculum to center around AI. The new classes will cover how AI models work, the ethical impacts of using the tech and more (paywall link). Got someone in college? Be sure they study AI.

🔍 Crime authors have a secret weapon: When they need to get the gory details right, they turn to a Facebook group called Cops and Writers. There, authors can ask real officers how much blood would actually come out of a wound, or whether it’s “spatter,” not “splatter” (paywall link). 

✍️ President Trump threw crypto a bone: He signed off on killing an IRS rule that would’ve forced decentralized finance platforms to act like brokers. Yep, meaning they’d have to track and report your activity for taxes. Critics said it was a privacy nightmare and would’ve overloaded the IRS with too much data. One small win for crypto, one giant headache coming for stablecoins.

🌳 No green thumb required: Why wait years for your yard to bloom? Fast Growing Trees makes it simple to plant like a pro. They’ll recommend the best trees and shrubs for your exact location and ship them straight to your door. No hauling, no guesswork. Use promo code KIM to save an extra 15%. I got an avocado tree, and it’s thriving!