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Every parent should read this
This topic hits me personally, and I don’t like to discuss it at all. You never know who’s a child predator. I was molested by a trusted family friend when I was 6 years old. I told my parents, and they took immediate action — well, not the action my Dad wanted, which was to cut off the guy’s hands.
The predator did the same thing for many years, even after police involvement, and he continued to do so until he died a horrible death from cancer.
Today, these sickos are online and their prey is everywhere. That’s why I wanted to talk to Roo Powell. She was working at a tech company and wanted to expose just how many predators lurk online, looking for kids to target. She and her colleagues created a profile for a fake teenage girl.
“The volume and speed of the abusive messages were staggering,” she told me. It was so much worse than they’d anticipated. Their experiment, though, ended with a federal sex abuse case.
That was five years ago. Powell went on to found the nonprofit SOSA, short for Safe from Online Sex Abuse, and she’s the force behind two seasons of “Undercover Underage,” streaming on Max. SOSA’s work has put at least 70 predators behind bars.
This is such an important topic and one you should be aware of, whether you have kids at home or not.
No parent wants to think their child is a target
But it can happen to any kid from any family, with any economic background, any gender or sexuality. “Kids are targeted just for being kids online,” Roo says.
In one case, she pretended to traffic an 11-year-old online. A man showed up with a McDonald’s Happy Meal and was quickly arrested. Horrifying, I know.
In TV shows and movies, child predators look like monsters. In reality, they could be anyone. “We’ve had high school teachers, medical professionals, a Department of Children and Family Services worker.”
Two things these people have in common? They’re manipulative and practiced. One study says the average perpetrator has 50 to 150 victims in their lifetime. Can you believe that?
The tactics vary
Families have to know about them. One recurrent trope is pretending to be a trusted friend. Their approach is “There’s a lot of bad people online. I’ll look out for you,” Roo explained.
The most common is grooming, the process predators use to slowly gain trust. It starts with small requests, like, “What’d you have for breakfast? Send me a pic of it.” Seems harmless, so the kid might not think twice.
It only gets stronger from there. “What outfit are you wearing today? Send me a picture of you in the outfit.” After a while, Roo says, the child is so used to saying yes that when a really egregious request comes across, it’s hard to say no.
5 ways to help your kid stay safer online
With my son, I found the most important thing was making sure he knew he was safe to come to me with anything. Here are a few ways to get there if you’re feeling lost:
- Have honest conversations. Start age-appropriate talks with your kid about the good and bad parts of the internet. I did this with Ian starting around age 3.
- Educate them on red flags. Talk with your kids about behaviors adults use to manipulate them — paying them compliments, asking them to keep secrets, and asking for photos and videos.
- Know what they’re doing. Keeping up to date with the social media platforms your kid likes most can help you spot and stop potential issues.
- Set healthy boundaries. Have a strategy around screen time, what apps and sites are allowed, and when to have downtime. I have a free guide if you need help.
- Make a plan. Take decision-making out of the equation by creating a plan together before they need it. Remind your kid to follow the plan even if someone threatens them.
If your child or one you know has experienced online abuse, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline. For mental health support, contact the Crisis Support Text Line to speak with a trained counselor.
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Tags: internet, social media platforms
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